Hello, my name is Col. Jim, and this is my Old Place. Here you will find good food, better conversation, rockers available, and the dog doesn’t bite. Too many signs telling you to do this, do that, form a line, seat yourself, yield, no left turn, no right turn, no . . . well, you get the idea. The only signs you see up here around the Old Place are the “Posted” signs on the deer leases, or maybe “low flying aircraft” out where the crop dusters play. So…
Signs On A Door:
The sign said, “No shirt, no shoes, no service.” Clearly, I was NOT at the Flora-Bama Lounge.
The sign said, “Caution – wet paint.” Oh, is that why my palms are blue?
The sign said, “Respiratory Protection Required.” This is an easy one: either there is a potential for a hazardous atmosphere, or my brother-in-law is in there.
Signs In The Wild:
The sign said, “Speed Limit 7 ¼ MPH.” Clearly, I was in a chemical plant.
The sign said, “END ROAD WORK.” I don’t think this one is catching on.
The sign said, “Alligators: Swim at own risk.” Either someone is warning me about dangerous carnivorous reptiles, or they are warning the dangerous carnivorous reptiles about our “Swamp People.”
The sign said, “Deer Crossing.” Livingston Parish must have the smartest deer in the world. How the heck are deer supposed to know they are supposed to cross right there?
The sign said, “Slow Children at Play.” That’s a bit dodgy, don’tcha think? Putting up a sign telling the whole world you have slow children!
Signs Of Our Times:
The sign said, “No Internet Connectivity.” Oh no, there goes my MMORPG hero down the tubes and into the dungeon!
The sign said, “Ubiquitous Surveillance.” It’s either a “Flock” camera or a drone flying overhead.
The sign said, “US government, we’re here to help.” Bubba, run like you stole something!
Signs that Make You Happy:
(Sing this one.) - “The sign said, “Everybody
+ welcome, come in, kneel down and pray. But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all, I didn’t have a penny to pay. So, I got me a pen and a paper, and I made up my own little sign. I said, ‘Thank you, Lord, for thinkin ‘bout me; I’m alive and doin’ fine!”
Sitting in a rocker at the Old Place, I am Col. Jim.
“Signs” by Five-Man Electrical Band
